Yet I wasn’t enjoying myself. I planned one activity after another, and if I wasn’t at my desk for a full eight hours or more a day I felt as if I were slacking off. Yet who was yelling at me? A tiny voice inside my own head, that’s who…it was my ‘responsible nature’ and that enormous well of self-discipline that was going to be my undoing.
So this past month, I’ve worked on learning how to relax. Each day I stop working at 4pm. John and I take Shadow for a walk through our woods, our gorgeous woods. We stop and look at the wild plants. We found a place yesterday deep in the woods where deer must have rested, for the pine needles were pushed into the shape of an animal and there were hoof marks everywhere. I found wild wintergreen and beautiful old holly bushes. We went down to our creek, little Clearwater Creek, and found a big tree had fallen across it and now we have a homemade bridge. Shadow dipped her toes into the water and the big tufts of golden fur in her German Shepherd feet make tassels. I come home and cook a nice meal for the family now, taking my time to enjoy cooking. I listen to my old records on the stereo and light the fire in the family room. I’m taking time to enjoy my life.
